Home Forums Help Requests Sleepovers and Following the Rules

3 replies, 3 voices Last updated by Profile photo of Kirk Chugg Kirk Chugg 1 year, 11 months ago
  • Profile photo of Kirk ChuggKirk Chugg
    Keymaster
    @kirk

    My Achievements

    Add friends Icon
    #6053

    Tonight we had a discussion at the dinner table and I want your take on this and how you’ve handled things like this before. When my wife and I got married we decided that when we had kids, we would not do sleepovers. Both of us are of the opinion that there’s really nothing good that happens at a sleepover and there are plenty of opportunities to play with friends that don’t require a sleep over. I’ve spoken to many dads that have the same rule for the same reason. My 11 year old daughter was invited to a birthday party for one of her best friends where they were all going to the city, chaperoned by the girls mother (whom we know and would trust), and spending the night in a hotel. We told our daughter that we didn’t feel comfortable and I’m not really looking for opinions on whether we made the right call or not, but more how you have dealt with enforcing a set rule, that children don’t understand yet. What’s worked for you?

    Profile photo of Chad BennettChad Bennett
    Participant
    @chadwbennett

    My Achievements

    Add friends Icon
    #6079

    We have the same rule about sleepovers and enforce those rules the same way. The only acceptions we have to the sleepover rule is having them sleep over at the cousins or grandparents house. So far we haven’t had any issues … but … we only have one teenager at this time.

    Profile photo of Greg BlackbournGreg Blackbourn
    Moderator
    @gblackbourn

    My Achievements

    Add friends Icon
    #6080

    I fully respect your rules and how you parent so please don’t take this wrong. I am just offering my view of sleepovers. Growing up I had a ton of sleepovers with my best friend. His family was absolutely amazing and welcomed me as a son. We have been friends since we were 3 years old and 38 years later we still have one of the best friendships I have ever had. We had rules we had to follow at both my house and at his and it was amazing for me to see how another house was run. What their values were and what their rules were. I learned so much about life from those moments. And when we violated rules as kids do, we had to deal with the consequences. Both my parents as well as Gavin’s parents were on the same page and treated each of us as they would their own child. I remember countless hours of having to work in the yard and do extra chores at his house when we got caught staying up late. Honestly helped my work ethic more than I could imagine.

    My wife and I allow sleepover with our kids once they are 10+. And we have to know the parents of the children well before it happens. So setting context is crucial. One of the greatest things that has come from this is that my son Zach’s best friend doesn’t have a Dad. His mom is a single Mom and works so hard to provide. And his siblings are older and he really doesn’t have much when his mom works. Well when this young man is at our house (he is 15) he knows our rules and he abides by them. It is amazing to get a text or a call from this kid asking permission to do something or if they are going to be late getting home from something. He told me recently that he is thankful to have a “Dad” in me and for the rules I make him follow when he is here. So I think sleepovers have been crucial in him learning some accountability and responsibility.

    Again I totally support and respect your rules and would never change them or argue with you. Just wanted to give a different perspective from my viewpoint on how they have impacted me positively as a child as well as an adult with children

    Profile photo of Kirk ChuggKirk Chugg
    Keymaster
    @kirk

    My Achievements

    Add friends Icon
    #6082

    Thanks for the insight Greg. I appreciate the time you took to answer the question. That is an interesting perspective to think about. Hard and fast rules are sometimes hard to enforce too. Your willingness to take in that friend of your son and treat him like family is admirable. I think each family needs to decide for themselves what works best too. I’m sure you’ve made a difference in that boy’s life.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.